You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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