I met the friendliest cop last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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