...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize