don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I want is dick and wine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
