if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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