just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
