so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize