idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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