She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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