but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
