Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
