The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
