I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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