grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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