Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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