i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
