I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
