God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
