Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
