I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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