i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
