She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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