Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
