You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
