Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
