So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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