I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
