living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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