Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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