Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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