I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
