I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
