He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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