just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
