you traded sex for a burrito?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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