dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
