I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
