I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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