Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
