Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
