So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
