Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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