I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
