i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
