According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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