thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
