I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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