Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
