My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
