I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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