I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
