When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
