I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
