your thong is hanging out like whoa
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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