Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
