omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
