Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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