Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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