Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
