i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
