shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
