I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she peed on how many people?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
