The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
