I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize