My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
